LOVE?

03Apr09

he is the one who makes me to feel the warmness of love

he who stole the attention from everybody else~

yes he is the man who i dream of everyday. i think i’ve fallen for him.well i am pretty sure, he is a man who i want to be loved and loving him.LOVE? i don’t know anything about love~ i never feel love.what i know is that love is a very comfortable warmness,caring each other,feeling happy..that is based on through my family and friends. i admit i do feel i want to have boyfriend right now just to feel the love. but when i think about it,i’m just doing it to show off and to satisfy my self=( however when i thinkly more deeply down inside,i am  a person who is can be very friendly and can be so not friendly. when i am with guys,i feel uncomfortable. especially strangers,i feel i am being judged,watch and criticize and humiliated. i dont how it turns out to be like that. it just comes out naturally. i’m very shy infront of strangers. even with my guy-friend,i feel the big boundary that i can not be more open to them..its like my mouth just went automatically zipped. i don’t know why and how. but what i know,i really want to have many guy-friend,be somebody who is known for the friendly-ness and outgoing character. i want to be known. i dont know how it turns out like this thing. yea what i think of the reason is i simply don’t trust them, thats why i feel not open and the boundary. every guy who i meet reminds me of my almighty father who is the pain in my life. but kwon jiyong is different. when i see him,i don’t see my dad. i feel the future being together with him,being loved by him,someone who will look after me,someone who i really respect,a person who make me cry and make me smile,a person who flutters my heart,who makes me want to message all the time,talk with him on the phone,give me big hug,who kiss me on the cheek,someone who can introduce to his parents,welcome me to the family like best friend,a person who helps me to cook,someone who i can watch tv,movie and go out to the shops restaurant, a person who i really want to love,to cook dinner,shopping with,having picnic with,someone who i can play around,him being my friend,him being a person who can wipe my tears when i cried,who can listen to my hearts attentively,someone who i can motivate and give me inspiration,a person who can calm me down when i am pissed of, a person who can understand me better than anyone,someone who could sit beside me during a fashion show, person who eats next to me in the restaurant,a person who i can talk with all the time;all day,talk with him like there is no time..and someone who i want to give my kiss smoothly and feel very happy and comfortable.

*sigh*

i know its just a dream.its too good to be true.i’m too bad to have that kind of dream. there is other girl who is too good for him.i am not pretty,i am not smart,i am not fashionable,i am not tall,i am not thin,i am fat,i am stupid,i am a very bad person,i am taking advantage,i am fugly..

i am only looking at money&popularity..but its the truth. for me money is very important.me growing up was always short of money. my parents most of the time can’t afford me to buy brunei’s cloths,tshirt,jeans,underwear,bras,dress,shoes,bangles,earrings,doing my hair..see why i think money is half of my life. for me money = security.

i need to find money and be millionaire,who have money all the time,richest girl before 20- 25 years old in the world.i want to have a business that is profitable and rich. my mind is having a clothing line. my brand is simply what i want to own,what i need,what i want,what i think is pretty. my plan is to have YG(bb’s) or SJ(mine) clothing line. the tag is ‘YG’ or ‘SJ’. something i cud be proud of. i want it to be affordable. i know it can not beat gucci valentino,chanel,dior or what so ever.

my target is have a website for online shopping first.this gotta be an office,the team;the solver,the giving out ideas,the one who organize everything,ho have very fast mouth,representative,the influencer,the buyer,the seller,the security fo rthe resources,the owner factory,the paper work thingy,who have the ship to transport..

then have a shop in the big countries

1. italy,milan/france,paris(its the tradition the originality)
2. england(becos i’m gonna be studying there within 1 year AMIN!)
3. america,NY or LA(asia or koreans gonna be the lots buyer)
4. japan&singapore( this will have big influence in korea & brunei)

after allof this is done,then i WILL open shops in BRUNEI&KOREA.then the models are yg-family,my popular friends,my partner ceos,those stuff,the model.photoshoot,cf,posters,internet,YG staff wearing the brand.I AM GOING TO USE AS MY CLOTHES ALL OF IT.ITS FROM MY OWN BRAND.as they say homeland..smart eyh? give comments if u r reading.

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