i need to let it all out.

07Sep09

where should i start first?i think i shud start with the family. i cant say the word ‘my family’. these days,the feeling of saying the word ‘my family’ is just hard,heavy,burdensome,painful,tears wanna go out from my eyes,the flash back of memories tht hurt my feeling like no one ever did. the fear of wanting to go out from here,escaping this world of pain,the weight of everything that the first time in my life i could not hold any longer. i feel i want to let go,i wish i never feel that way  iwish i never hold that weight.everything is just so wrong. what have i done to deserve this?this is absolutely what i do not want.

the family i once used to believe that i have the best family ever in the world. as i grew up,everything seems to turn the opposite world. totally the reverse world.the parent who i looked up to when growing up.now i really down on them.honestly.sincerely i looked up at other people. i know by saying this makes me  really bad bad bad child. but i cant help it. i hate bapa. esp him! he is the one who i hate the most in the world. i could never ever forgive what he had done to me,the pain that he caused. the scar that he left me. the feeling of being crying because of what he did and what he said infront of my face. i hate him. i hate him. i just hate him. i can not agree on anything with him. i disagree everything what he had done. all he know is about the happiness of himself.and i know he hates me. the reason why he keep up with me is because he knows i will make lots of money in the future. i hate him. all he thinks is about the money. money money money. he is dirt.he i rubbish. he is devils’ ass. i just hate him. his desire to have lots of money. why cant he think about others? he is bitch for money.i promise i will not want to meet a guy like him. no way! never. i dont care how people say what u hate is what you love most. but no way is for me! i will never!i hate him. after this ,i just want to forget everything about him. i will think of him as someone is not important to me.

2 sis? those bitches. just because they lived first.thinking they deserve to give advice.guess what? i hv no respect for u! both of you always treat me like a slave that served you all the time.they dont deserve all this. i will make sure you do not look down on me.

study? tiring. i hv less than 5 weeks for my o level exam. wth????????i will start revising tomorrow. i will give my best. i will try the hardest and smartest. i will work to the fullest. i will do this for my self. not for anyone. for my future. for my dreams. my journey and my life.

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