i hate you.
fuck. why cant you be nice to me for one second? why cant you ask me nicely?why cant you feel what i am feeling at the moment for just one second? why cant you understand me? why cant you give me chance to change myself? am i really that sinful,useless and you hate me so much that you want make me look bad? am i to blame? if so,why did you never talk to me nicely? as far as i am concerned, you talk nicely and very gentle to other people? you talk as if you’re the right person to talk to your other daughter? but when it comes to me, you seems very different. you talk differently. you act different. you are different person. you are not the same person when you talked to others? how am i supposed to do? even my brain make sensed out of it, my heart for sure realise that. but i am trying to understand you for what reason you did that? one thing, i cannot change for who i am. but seems to me, the only reason you did that is because, you hate for who i am. you just cannot see for who i am. if so, why cant you talked to me nicely? you know the chances i would listen and change. but you never did that. you would do that to them. am i really that rubbish to you? how can i ingnore this? you are the reason why i am here today. but now i realised that, you have always dont favors me at the very beginning. this is the time when i truly need a mother’s warmth,advice,talk,words and hands. but seems to me, i cant ask that from you now. i have exams tomorrow. honestly i am scared of exams. i am still traumatized. but you seems to act you dont know whats happening to me.. i knew for sure, you can feel what i feel about my previous exam. but you just ignore me. assuming i’m fine with everything. is this what you really want?
you want me to be fine with everything?
all these years, i have been very quiet and keep things low. but you never think of me when you have them infront of you. i had enough of this. i am never going to have this moment ever agian. i will make sure this wont happen again. you mark my word. you assume this. this will happen. you know what?
from now on, i will do everything for myself. not for you nor anyone. i will do these for me. tell me selfish but its my life i’m talking about..
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