15Feb11

my life is sad.
everybody expect nothing from me but yet they expect perfect results from me.
why can’t they talk to me? do i really seems fine from outside? because i am not fine. i need you words,motivation,help,warmth,advise,jokes,a push and sort of things. but you don’t give anything. and you do that the duo. they always get everything. money,love,talk,word,guys,happiness and success. and what i get?
just a straight face and consequences.
sometimes,it feels good to have someone in your family that really pays attention to me and say could talk with me about life. i feel sad right now. i hate it when i can not do anything about it to change it. for example like now. i do not have money, i am no genius,i am no pet-child, i have no love, no one really support me. i am always not the first,second nor third. i am always the next after another. do i blame my self? no,i blame others. BUT then it got me thinking, i really should the blame on myself. why? 1.because i care what others think of me 2. i let them control 3. i let them do anything they want. i always follow what i have been told. and most of all, i am not doing anything to change it. i must change myself. everything.
what makes me happy is i start to change my school lifestyle. i am starting to do my homework. well thats just the first step,but like they say, first step is always the hardest. so yeah, i should keep telling myself,just go on with it. just continue what you are doing. =D

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